It dawned on me last night that I will be turning 36 years old in about a month’s time. It also occurred to me that a lady never reveals her true  age, but who am I kidding, I’m no lady, I’m a Mommy! A real, honest-to-goodness, if-its-not-bleeding-than-you-are-okay kind of Mom! Nope, no lady here!

Now don’t get me wrong, I used to be a lady. Yep, I was one of those annoyingly, proper little ladies who used to go to the bathroom to do her business in private. Today, I have a private audience of 2 watching me and listening to every tinkle and fart. Yes, I used the word fart, get over it people, we all do it, except my farts smell like tulips glistening under the sun. Ha! Beat that!

Now where was I? Ah yes, back when I was a lady, I used to have interesting conversations while preparing spaghetti sauce for example. Topics ranging from the weather to the latest reality show to the neighbour’s bra collection hanging on her clothes line. I never said I had thought-provoking conversations, I just said they were interesting. Today, my conversations sounds a little like this:

My son: Hi Mama, whatcha doing?

Me: Making dinner

My son: Whatcha makin?

Me: Pasta

My son: Mama, I have a penis.

Me: Yes dear, you do.

My son: Daddy has a penis.

Me: Yes, indeed he does.

My son: Mama, you don’t have a penis.

Me: Nope, no penis.

My son: My sister doesn’t have a penis.

Me: No she doesn’t.

My son: But I have one. I have a penis. It’s right here (hex points at it as I try not to cut into my fingers while slicing the onions).

Me: Yes, you do.

My son: So what’s for dinner?

Me: Pasta

My son: My penis works well.

Me: I’m sure it does.

My son: You don’t have one Mama but that’s okay. Gotta go!

See, I don’t think ladies are supposed to have penis-oriented conversations such as the one I just described.

Yes, I fondly remember my days as a lady. Today, I’m lucky to get out of the house with a clean shirt and matching socks. I’m no lady! I’m a Mom and I wear this new badge with honour and dignity dripping with baby vomit, which coincidentally, also smells like tulips glistening under the sun.

Keeping it real,

Karin Demir

To see more of Karin’s blogs please go to http://mycallingmypassionmylife.blogspot.com/